Don't Carpe Diem

This is an awesome article written by Glennon Melton. LOVE!!

Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:
An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."
Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.
I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.
I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.
And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.
Now. I'm not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: "Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast."
At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."
That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though.
There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, "No. but I love having written." What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, "Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?"
I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.
Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest.
Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"
My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.
But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:
"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."
Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.
Here's what does work for me:
There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.
Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.
Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos.
Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.
Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.
These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.
If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.
Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.
Good enough for me.

Original link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html

Awesome Giveaway!

From Savvy With Savings Blog!

We just finished with a great coupon and clutch giveaway and now we're adding this one!
Once again, we've teamed up with local bloggers to put this together:

Welcome to the Zaycon Foods/PayPal Winner's Choice Giveaway!

The winner gets the choice of:

$60 Zaycon Food Credit

or

$60 PayPal Cash!

How cool is that?!?!?!
I wish I could enter! ;)

So, here's how it works:

Giveaway entries can be made starting at 9pm (12am EST.) January 6th. Simply click the "Log in with Facebook" button below to begin. All entries must be in by Thursday, January 12, at 9pm (12am EST).


GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!!

Go here to enter:

savvywithsavings.blogspot.com/2012/01/giveaway-winners-choice-zaycon-food.html

Birth Affirmations

Favortie for birth, running & life... As in, "My back hurts, but it doesn't matter." "I'm tired, but it doesn't matter" "This kid is kicking the crap out of my internal organs and I can't go 10 minutes without peeing, but IT DOESN'T MATTER!"

As most of my clients know- I'm big on the birth affirmations. They worked for me. So much so, that when I ran my first marathon in October 2011 I used the same idea and had running affirmations written on index cards taped all over my house. (I'm on mile 21 and it's dark and I'm hungry, but it doesnt matter! :))
I think pregnant women are so bombarded with negative stories, ideas, videos, and thoughts that its important to counteract that and make sure we're convincing ourselves that its natural, normal and most importantly FUN :)
Here's some birth affirmations I found on Mama Birth (http://mamabirth.blogspot.com/2010/11/pregnancy-and-birth-affirmation.html)
and thought I'd share...

My body has the divine ability to grow a perfect child within it.
Without conscious thought it builds an amazing organ, the placenta, to help grow and feed my baby.
My body and my baby tell me what healthy foods they need to function and grow.
I listen to their promptings.
As my baby grows my body changes.
I embrace the roundness,the curves, the fertility that shows the power within.
I welcome the softness of my breasts and abdomen and legs because it shows how perfectly I am preparing to grow and feed this baby.
I take time to slow down, rest, and care for my baby and my body without guilt, knowing that it is for the best.
As I get closer to the time of birth I enjoy the last few weeks and days with the baby inside me.
I love her close presence, her constant reminders she is there and her growth.
As I get heavier I look forward to the moment of birth, recognizing that my body gets less comfortable so that I will embrace what I once feared: labor.
I wait for the baby to grow until it is ready to meet me.
I know that this baby will come when it is ready.
I love being able to give my baby time to grow to her full potential.
I trust her time table.
As labor begins I embrace the next step on my journey to motherhood.
I am not afraid.
I am powerful.
I hear nothing else but my body and my baby as they tell me how to move and dance to make her entry more joyful.
I embrace the sensations.
They are strong, they are work, they are preparing me for motherhood.
I am not afraid.
I am powerful.
I feel my body open to let the baby out.
I feel the baby move down as my body helps her come to our family.
I accept what is overwhelming.
Giving in to my birth makes me more powerful.
I roar my baby out.
What seemed impossible is done.
It is more that perfect.
It is as close as I will get to the divine creative power.
I embrace the slippery, perfect child.
I am a mother.

What are some birth affirmations that worked for you? Did you call on them during labor?

Warnings issues about Cold Medicine In Pregnancy

Non-Profit Lists Top Remedy Tips For Moms Battling Colds This Holiday Season
Newswise — Experts in pregnancy and breastfeeding health at the California Teratogen Information Service (CTIS) Pregnancy Health Information Line warn expectant moms about the potential dangers of common cold medicines during pregnancy. CTIS is a California non-profit housed at the University of California, San Diego that educates the public about exposures during pregnancy and breastfeeding.
"Every year around this time, we get a significant number of calls from pregnant and breastfeeding women in California who are battling colds and are worried about which meds they can and can't take," said Christina Chambers, PhD, MPH, professor of pediatrics at UC San Diego and CTIS program director.
"The callers I’ve personally spoken to have valid concerns because there are certain ingredients in over-the-counter medications they need to watch out for that could be harmful to their developing babies," explained Sonia Alvarado, CTIS supervising counselor who takes calls through the service’s toll-free hotline and online chat service. As a result of the potential for harm, Dr. Chambers and Alvarado have compiled a list of helpful tips for moms and moms-to-be battling colds this holiday season.
Top Five Cold Remedy Tips During Pregnancy:
1. Less is More. Remember that “less is more," or rather, less is more recommendable when it comes to treating colds during pregnancy. Take only those medications that are needed for your specific symptoms. Many cold remedies have three to six ingredients, some of which you (and your developing baby) do not need. If your major complaint is a cough, for example, then avoid a combination drug that includes a nasal decongestant, an extra medication you can do without.
2. Oral Decongestion Alternatives. While the majority of studies looking at oral decongestants during pregnancy are reassuring with first trimester use, it's still best to avoid them in the first trimester due to a possible very low risk for vascular issues in the fetus. Pregnant women could consider saline drops or a short-term nasal spray decongestant alternative.
3. Herbal Ingredient Warning. Watch out for herbal ingredients in many over-the-counter medications. Chances are they have not been studied in pregnancy.
4. Throat Lozenges and Vitamin Overload. Throat lozenges contain mostly sugar, however, some may contain other ingredients such as zinc or vitamin C. When taking vitamin C, the recommended daily allowance during pregnancy is 80-100 mg per day and zinc is only 11 mg per day.
5. Cough Syrups and Alcohol. Some cough syrups contain up to 10 percent alcohol. Get alcohol-free cough syrup. Your developing baby doesn’t need the alcohol exposure in addition to the other medications.

http://www.newswise.com/articles/experts-issue-warning-about-cold-medications-in-pregnancy

Cervical Dialation Chart

Doula, a Moms Best Friend

By: Ann Douglas
Looking for a way to decrease the length of your labour, reduce your need for pain medication, decrease your chances of needing a forceps delivery or a Caesarean, and leave you feeling satisfied about your birth experience? What you need is a doula—the birthing world’s equivalent of a fairy godmother.
Think I’m exaggerating? Consider the evidence for yourself. There’s a growing body of research proving that doulas (experienced non-medical female companions who provide continuous labour support) can help to improve the birth and postpartum outcomes for both mother and baby. Klaus and Kennel found, for example, that when doulas are involved in labour and delivery, requests for epidurals decrease by 60 per cent, the Caesarean rate decreases by 50 per cent, oxytocin use during labour decreases by 40 per cent, requests for pain medications decrease by 30 per cent, and labours are 25 per cent shorter. And a study at the University of Texas Medical School found that women who used the services of a doula were more nurturing toward their babies two months after the delivery.
Doulas typically charge $300 to $1,200 for supporting a birth. This fee includes one or more meetings prior to the birth to talk with you and your partner about your plans, helping you to draft a birth plan, making herself available by phone to address any concerns the two of you may have about the birth, providing continuous support during labour, and providing support and breastfeeding help during the first few hours post-partum. Doulas do not, however, perform medical checks (such as monitoring your blood pressure or doing internal examinations), nor are they licensed to deliver babies. Their role is to provide labour support (most doctors are too busy to do this and some birthing unit nurses simply do not have the time) and, if necessary, to help you communicate your decisions to the medical staff.
The best way to get a referral to a doula who’s practising in your community is to contact your nearest midwifery practice. If there isn’t a midwifery practice in your community, you might want to contact Doulas of North America (DONA) via their website (www.dona.org ) or CAPPA Canada (1–866-CDN-BIRTH (236–2478) or www.cappacanada.ca ) to ask for the names of certified doulas in your area.
Facts and figures
Birthing doulas offer support during and after the birth, while postpartum doulas offer both hands-on assistance and motherly advice during the days and weeks following the birth. Some doulas offer both types of services to their clients.
The top 10 reasons to hire a doula
Here are 10 great reasons why you may want to think about inviting a doula to your baby’s birth.
1. A doula can help you to feel better about your birth experience. A group of researchers in California found that women who had the support of a doula during their babies’ births were more likely to feel positive about their birth experiences (82.5 per cent) than women who did not have the benefit of such support (67.4 per cent).
2. A doula can leave your partner free to focus more fully on his key role during the birth: providing you with emotional support. Doulas have knowledge of birth that partners, who may have no prior experience with birth, simply may not have.
3. A doula can help to take some of the pressure off your partner. Having someone else on hand to support you can allow him to take a guilt-free dinner or bathroom break. (It’s hard for your partner not to feel like the world’s biggest heel if he or she has to take a bathroom break just when your contractions are starting to peak.)
4. A doula can help to reduce the likelihood that you will require an epidural. A study conducted at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio, found that 7.8 per cent of women using doulas requested an epidural as compared to 55.3 per cent of women labouring without a doula.
5. A doula can offer helpful suggestions on ways to cope with the labour when you’ve pretty much run through your own repertoire of coping strategies.
6. A doula can help breastfeeding get off to the best possible start. A study conducted in South Africa found that women who have support from doulas during labour are more likely to be breastfeeding exclusively when their babies are six weeks old than other moms.
7. A doula can help to answer your questions about the birthing process and provide on-the-spot reassurance when you need it— something that can be truly invaluable if you find yourself with a lot of questions and concerns.
8. A doula can help you advocate for yourself with the hospital staff and ensure that your voice is heard.
9. A doula can promise to be there, even if your partner can’t. If there’s a chance that your partner isn’t going to be there at the birth (possibly because he or she is scheduled to work out of town around your due date) or if you’re going to be giving birth without a partner, a doula can provide you with some much-needed support.
10. A doula can act as your cheering section. When you’re trying to weather the storms of transition, sometimes you just need someone to tell you that you’ve got what it takes to get through this—and to say it with enough conviction that you actually believe her. (That’s an important part of the doula job description, by the way.)
Excerpted from The Mother of All Pregnancy Books, 2nd Edition. Copyright (c) 2011 by Ann Douglas. Excerpted with permission of the publisher John Wiley & Sons Canada, Ltd.
Original article site http://www.ohbabymagazine.com/prenatal/why-doulas-are-a-moms-best-friend/